The New 'Normal'

Today I am sharing a very personal post, something that I typically do not do, since I like to keep this space a happy site that inspires. I am opening up about the year that I have had so far, one that has literally knocked me off my feet. By writing this post I only hope to inspire everyone especially  if you are going through a struggle in life, you are not the only one.  I will say that writing this makes everything more real since I have yet to write down my thoughts on paper, mostly because they have been whirling around my head and because it is a truth I haven't wanted to accept. This is my first step in attempting to do so.

The Power of the 'Ask'

The Power of the 'ask'.  It is a very simple concept, but something that can be quite daunting.  It is the simple act of when you need something, ask.  A little word that can hold a lot of power to both those doing the asking and those receiving it since it can solicit either a ‘yes’ or worse a ‘no’. Throughout life I have been hesitant to ask for the things that I need, whether it be personal, work-related or just life-related.  Haunted by the fear of rejection I tended to stay where I felt comfortable, to linger in those areas that I would never have to feel vulnerable. It takes both courage and confidence, something that can be difficult to muster up, but if you have it they are a powerful duo that can turn dreams into a reality.  Recently I have embarked on a side project where all I am doing is asking.  Tired of feeling scared and knowing that it has been holding me back from going further and achieving my dreams, I decided to go for it, after all what could I loose.  People that have been successful never sat by themselves twiddling their thumbs making their visions come to life, rather they reach out, they ask.

Life Thoughts:: On Dreaming Big

Recently I have been doing a lot of thinking about what it takes to be successful.  Of course the definition of success is different with every individual and can vary at different times in life. For me success means achieving my dreams and carving out a path of my own and starting a new venture.  Recently I have found myself hungry to find how others have achieved success by digging for inspiring quotes, hearing stories and watching it happen before my own eyes.  One of the most inspiring things that I read was the commencement speech that Tory Burch delivered to the Babson College Class of 2014.  In her speech she spoke about the power of the entrepreneur and emphasized the power of passion, hard work and believing in your vision even if there is noise around you telling you that all you might have is a pipe dream.  Something that resonated with me the most was when she stated ‘If it doesn't scare you, you’re probably not dreaming big enough.’ Wow. Yes.  How often do you have a dream that ends up scaring you straight and then you abandon it shortly thereafter for fear of rejection, failure of just plain lack of confidence. 

The Hardest Part

Getting married has by far been the best thing to happen so far in my life, with it has brought happiness, excitement and above all love.  I am truly blessed that I am marrying a man that makes me a better person and that loves me unconditionally.

Despite all of this joy, there is one thing that will be one of the hardest things to come to grips with, the fact that my dad will not be there.  My father passed away unexpectedly two days before my college graduation at the young age of 49, leaving behind my mom and seven children.  Our relationship was often a bit rocky, so not being able to say goodbye and get closure haunted me for years.  It has taken years (I mean years) to try to understand why something so awful could happen to my family, honestly I am still unsure.  There are so many things that my father has missed, my younger siblings growing up, birthdays, holidays, engagements, the birth of my nephew and now our wedding.  It is heart-breaking to know that he will not be able to walk me down the aisle, meet my wonderful fiancé and see us live a happy life together.  He will be sorely missed at our wedding, there will undoubtedly be a gaping hole.  I am blessed that I have two amazing brothers to walk me down the aisle, both who I have seen tower over me as the years have passed. I know that my father is looking down and I know that he will be there in spirit, but honestly that is the hardest part.  I miss my dad terribly and even though he is gone, he is not forgotten.

I am a firm believer in signs.  My sister gave me a part of her peace lily from his funeral three years ago after we settled into a place of our it.  It sits in my office, day in and day out not doing much, however one day last April I walked into my office and two flowers had appeared practically over night.  Typically April was a month that I dreaded, it was the month that he passed away, however last April a few happy events occurred,  I got engaged and my sister welcomed my nephew into the world.  The following months it was dormant until two days ago, I saw the beginnings of a new flower.  Just seeing that made me happy, almost at peace. I truly felt his presence and for that I am grateful and I know that he will be with me on my wedding day.  

Dreaming of Our Honeymoon

Only one month and two days until I walk down the aisle with my best friend and man of my dreams! I cannot believe it.  Since the end of March time has been flying by so quickly, however, I am trying to savor the last month of our wedding anticipation.  Typically when my soon-to-be-husband and I plan our vacations we plan around food first - this might sound like we are gluttons but rather we love good food that is prepared with the freshest ingredients and second of course is architecture, history and beautiful beaches.  Well our honeymoon will consist of both - we will be traveling to France and Italy.  We both love exploring new places so renting a car is essential.  We will begin in Paris and then travel to the Provencal town of Arles, then we are off to Cassis on the Mediterranean.  Next we will cross over the boarder to Italy and visit Portofino and the Cinque Terre.  This might be my dream photography trip!  Now my question to you is have you ever been to Arles, Cassis, Portofino or the Cinque Terre? If so, please I would love your restaurant suggestions!  In the meantime, here is what I would love to pack in my suitcase.  

Our Wedding: Our Engagement Photographs

I cannot believe that our wedding day is quickly approaching! In order to celebrate our upcoming nuptials I thought I would share our engagement photographs taken last summer at Brooklyn Bridge Park, which served as the perfect location with a direct view of the Manhattan skyline.  Our photos were take by my fiancé's uncle, a very talented photographer that will also be taking our wedding photographs.  We wondered around the Park on a very breezy summer day finding the best locations.  The photographs with the brick wall are extra special since we were in the storied Tobacco Warehouse that have been uprooted - sadly they are turning this structure into shops.  I am glad that we were able to capture the beauty.  

A (Huge) Thank You

First off I just want to say thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for your thoughts and wishes, I definitely did not think that last Friday I would be going to the emergency room let alone staying for five long days.  I am feeling a bit behind here, so just bare with me as I get back into the swing of things! I have been blessed to never have been hospitalized for anything, ever, so it was definitely an emotional experience for me - I saw and heard a lot that was really upsetting.  As of now I am still waiting in limbo to exactly what caused my spine to become inflamed and to make my entire right side numb. My current fear is that it will happen again and might elude to a larger problem, but for now I am savoring the simple moments when I can feel the sun shine on my face and breathe in fresh air, simple things in life that make me the happiest.  

Easing back into the week, I thought I would share an editorial from Muse #37 photographed by Erik Madigan featuring Guinevere Van Seenus. The use of contrast and light is just impeccable. I hope that everyone has a wonderful Saint Patrick's Day and thank you again for your support, you guys are the best.  Seriously :)

Coming Up Roses

Amidst some good news the other week (thank you so much for your kind comments), we also got some bad news - the gazebo where we were going to get married collapsed due to the heavy snow and ice that had been perched atop it for months.  Yes, panic struck in, even though our wedding is going to be very small, I was just about to press 'order' on our invitations.  We were planning on getting married outside the city, where my fiancé is from and then having our wedding reception in Brooklyn.  Sure we could move it inside somewhere, but the only thing that I always dreamed of for my wedding was to have it outside, in the spring, surrounded by blooming trees and fragrant flowers.  We had to develop a plan B, but nothing like waiting until the last minute - our wedding is in mid-May.  Even if we had another idea it would probably be booked, however, my genius man knows me better than anyone else and suggested the Brooklyn Botanical Garden, a favorite sanctuary of mine but the likelihood that they would have a slot open was pretty slim.  Well, good news, our wedding date was the only Saturday they had left in the month! I am so happy that we will be marrying in the enchanting Rose Garden, a wonderful section of the gardens filled with such an abundance of flowers and a dreamy English gazebo, honestly I couldn't ask for more.  One of the things that I love equally to flowers are manicured gardens.  I am so excited and blessed that everything has worked out.  In order to celebrate here are just a few of the beautiful gardens that I have on my Pinterest page that have me not only dreaming of spring but our wedding.   Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

{On Life} Honoring Your Body

I have been going back and forth if I was even going to post this, but I feel like if I can spread awareness about prominent women's health issues through this platform than I will do so.  I never like to get too personal here, it can make you feel more raw and exposed.

This year was supposed to be an exciting one for me partially because I am getting married to the love of my life, but honestly my new year got off to a rocky start, health wise. I have been very lucky thus far to never have any health issues which I credit to eating right (lots of fruits, vegetables, whole grains and little meat) and a healthy dose of exercise.  However, when I went to my routine checkup at my doctor two things revealed themselves - she discovered a lump on my left breast and secondly I was one stage below cervical cancer. Hearing one of those things was bad but two issues at the same time, I was a nervous wreck because at 31 these are two things you do not want to hear, or rather these are things you never want to hear at any age.  I will be the first to admit that I can dramatize things when it comes to any sort of illness but for me, this was something that was worse than any other sinus or flu symptoms.  These were two things that can be fatal if not caught early through early detection.  Regarding the lump, I wasn't doing routine self-exams, I didn't think that I needed to (my grandmother had breast cancer but it was later on in life) so if I hadn't gone to my doctor routinely I never would have found it.  Also, in regards to the cervical cancer I was routinely going for six month checkups but somehow my symptoms went from mild to high in the span of a few months which called for immediate action.  I had to go into the office for two procedures and my nerves were at an all time high. I held it together for a few weeks and then one day I just burst.  Did I really have to begin fighting for my health? I ended up having an anxiety attack at work, in the middle of a presentation, it was mortifying.  Thankfully after a sonogram and biopsy, they found the lump to be benign, but it will be something that I have to monitor every six months.  And the other issue was cleared through an in-office procedure.  Why do I tell you this? Because it is incredibly important to honor your body and treat it as an irreplaceable vessel.  Go to the doctor, get your routine check-ups because in case something is wrong they can catch it early.  Life is too precious not too.

Image source FGR

Finding Quiet

Quiet. Can you here that? The sound of utter silence - that fleeting, oftentimes impossible thing that seems hard to come by in our busy lives. I recently began thinking about the importance of quiet as I was walking down a city street with sirens blaring, people shouting on their cellphones and all the while a jack hammer is being forced into old, albeit resistant, concrete.   These external factors are one thing, but what about the noise that goes inside of our own heads? Maybe it is my constant juggling of work, blogging, friends, family, life, etc, but my mind is constantly humming with thoughts and clutter making me easily distracted and oftentimes hard to focus.  My mind oftentimes goes on loops with thoughts or things that I should be doing, all the while really not paying attention to the task at hand.

Until recently, I was an avid runner. Running was my solitude and my quiet space where my thoughts could wander or completely dissolve as each foot pounded to the ground. However, injury after injury I had to stop running, or at least go from four days a week to one day (at best) yet, I didn't know what type of exercise I could do that was solitary and would give me that same boost as running. My fiancé suggested that I begin swimming - sure, I found it hard to get out of the water on vacations (I literally swim/float until I become one with the fish) but I didn't see it as a form of daily exercise.  Desperate for something, I tried it and I soon discovered that swimming is not like running, it is really hard work. I did whatever I could to get across my gym pool -  it was either the unglamorous doggie paddle or my own made-up-version of the breast stroke. But day after day I found myself getting better and realized just how much I loved swimming and not just the action - something about water has always soothed my soul, from the vast ocean to a small running stream. I have discovered a new form of serene quietness where motion after motion going under water you hear nothing except your own breath.   Being under water is both peaceful and silent, something that we all need in our daily lives so that we can reflect.  How do you find tranquility in such a busy world?

Image via here

Paris On My Mind

You know from this post that I have Europe on my mind, but I particularly have a taste for France, especially Paris. As many of you might have read before, I spent a wonderful amount of time in France. I was lucky enough to live in Paris for almost half a year in college, in addition to a month while I was in high school.  Paris means so much more to me than some sort of stunning European city - for me Paris means freedom and possibility.  I set off to discover the city twice years ago and for me it mean embarking on an adventure by myself not knowing anyone in a foreign city.  As the years go by (it has been far too long) I never want to loose what Paris symbolizes to me. I actually always wanted to work in France at some point and who knows where the roads might lead me (I am lucky to work for a company that has it's main headquarters in Paris).  I never want to become scared of the unknown or let me dreams falls to the wayside, in fact, I take pride in embracing it.  So many people have that dream of wandering to a foreign land and fortunately these days they blog about it.  I have recently fallen in love with a few that are dedicated to the City of Light, if you click, I am sure that you will also.  One of my favorites is Paris in Four Months - I literally spent an entire afternoon going through Carin's blog.  She not only features stunning photography from around the city, but she also features her favorite desserts and her fashion week snapshots (she shoots for Elle Sweden). Below are just a few of her stunning photographs that really transported me for a day back to one of my favorite places in the world.

Mastering the Perfection of Imperfection

When it comes to trying to achieve anything in life there is one hurdle that I fight to overcome each and every time - perfectionism.  Rarely do I share any sort of personal thoughts on this site but I feel that with blogging comes this idea of trying to achieve this flawless and beautiful world - a world that I find I am trying to create for myself.   I found myself suffering with this unrealistic idea of perfection long before I began blogging over two years ago (body image, career, etc) and found that it has gotten somehow worse since doing so.  I find myself comparing my blog content, photographs, comments to others and I know that this is detrimental and not a wise thing to do.  I set the bar high for my content and photography and sometimes I find myself beating myself up because something might not look 'perfect' in my eyes, whatever  'perfect' looks like and while doing so become overwhelmed with anxiety. 

It is my goal now to focus on letting go a bit and realizing that if I do not place so much emphasis on creating these ideals for myself, I might actually find myself doing more and achieving better results.  All too often I get paralyzed and cannot progress forward because I am trying to make something look flawless. One of my favorite passions is photography and styling what I am about to photograph, however, I realized that since I have not been filling my past few weekends with this hobby I have felt a bit freer.  I pour hours into each of my photography posts and while doing so I wonder if I will please my readers (you guys are amazing by the way) and ultimately myself. There is nothing wrong with trying to be better, I think constantly setting new goals for yourself is incredibly important in life, but I do think that taking small steps along the way and acknowledging progress is essential, something I am guilty of not doing along the way.  I am trying to find the balance of walking away from something and knowing that if I have put my all into it the results will be more than great. How do you respond to this idea of perfection?

Image via

Some Very Exciting News...

I have some very exciting news that I have been chomping at the bit to share with you - something very exciting happened while we were on vacation - we got engaged!  It was surreal, magical and romantic and I still am in a bit of disbelief that I have found the most wonderful man to spend my life. I cannot wait to start planning our big day! Continue for more...

I've Been Tagged: Five Things

I am sure that most of you know that there is this things called Five Things floating around on many different blogs, I was tagged by both Albertina and Viv, so here goes! Now my turn to tag - Holly, Amy, Daisy, Nadia and Elle.  Good luck ladies!

My relationship with NYC: I call Manhattan my first love – I moved here when I was 20 and fell head over heels for the energy, the glamour and the infinitive amount of opportunities at your footsteps. I moved away for 2 years and continued my education in Charleston, SC and then Paris to happily move back when I was 23.  I admit after bad (BAD) jobs and even worse living conditions (roommates, apartments, you name it -  I have a story and then some) I grew very tired and frustrated with a city that  used to make my heart skip a beat.  For a period of time I was one of those disgruntled, unfriendly New Yorkers that never smiled and huffed and puffed on their way – where do all of these people come from, why do people walk so slow, why doesn't the subway ever come, etc – it was the little things that added up.  Recently though I had a New York renaissance if you will, I got out of my funk and realized just how much I love this city – new restaurants, the architecture, and how you can be whatever you want to be here.  I think that it might have been our move across the East River to Brooklyn that really set me straight and I realized one day that if you give the city some love, it will definitely return the favor.

My Family:  I come from a large family – I am the second of 7 children, I know, a lot of kids! There are 5 girls and 2 boys.  Growing up, whenever we all went anywhere people would either stare or ask – ‘are those all of your children?’ Growing up it was chaotic at times, especially when there are so many girls in a household, but I am thankful that I have such a large family.

On Student Loans: I like to keep everything happy and rosy around here, but are you anything like me drowning in student loan debt?  I graduated college almost 7 years ago and I am still paying off my debt and will be until the 2020 Olympics.   I admit, I took out a lot of loans to fund 5 years of school and a life-changing study abroad experience in Paris, but I didn't fully realize then just how much it would effect and cost me after graduating. I thought I would get a job just like that and pay just a small portion of my paycheck each month, but boy I was wrong.  I will tell you though when I do finally pay this off I am going to do something crazy like sky dive (okay, maybe not really since I am deathly scared of heights and falling from them) or book a trip to somewhere amazing to celebrate my freedom!

What I Collect: I adore anything made of capiz shell and mother of pearl. One of my most treasured assets is my gold coffee table that has capiz shell inlay that was handed down from my late great-grandmother, it is from Palm Beach circa 1950. I also collect vintage cosmetic compacts, preferably made with mother of pearl and fashion magazines, both current and vintage.  

My Thoughts on Blogging: I will be completely honest about this one, sometimes I freak out about my blog, but luckily I am not the only one. I have read many posts about other bloggers pondering the purpose and meaning of blogging so thank you to everyone that has written something about this.  I started my blog nearly two years ago because my job at the time left me suffocated and incredibly depressed. I always knew that I had a lot of interests,  I just didn't know where to put the effort since my career wasn't leading me in the way that I wanted.  Through blogging I have discovered my love of photography, food and reconfirmed my love for fashion and beauty.  I will admit though that it sometimes stresses me out (this is partially due to my perfectionist tendencies) – are my ideas good enough? Is my content intriguing enough? Will there be enough good lighting to photograph my recipes, let alone where do I think it will go?     At the end of the day though, I blog because I am passionate about the things above and I want to share this excitement with you and hopefully inspire you in turn.  

*Photograph by Alison

A Little Bit About Me

I have been blogging now for quite sometime and I always think there is some sort of mystery of the blogger behind the blog, especially since I don't do outfit shots. I would love to do that, I just am way to picky about photographs, hopefully that will change in the future.  In the meantime, I thought that I would share a few things about me that you may not know.  I hope that everyone has a good weekend and if you are in a sunny and warm place I am very jealous of you - it is going to be below freezing here in New York.   

1. I believe in cyber love: Nearly four years ago, I met my wonderful boyfriend John on-line.  Dating in New York seemed nearly impossible at times, not to mention superficial. After having too many bad dates from guys that I met in bars I decided to try on-line dating, which is where I met John.  If you are looking to meet someone, I recommend it, but be prepared to meet a slew of, ahem, very interesting people.  You have to weed out quite a few people and go on quite a few dates, but I can guarantee that if you keep looking you will find your diamond in the rough - I know that I sure did.  

2. My job: After a somewhat rocky start since college, okay more like 5 years, I finally found a job that is suitable for my skills and passions - besides blogging that is.  Until recently I had jobs that left me feeling depressed and drained to say the least (that could be a whole blog entry and then some).  I am now very happy to say that I am a marketing manager at a fragrance house and feel blessed that I got this job.  It is super creative and I get to smell amazing fragrances and determine trends that could translate into a perfume.  A fragrance house consists of perfumers, sales and marketing teams who collaborate to create fragrances for pretty much every fragrance brand out there.  

3. I am pro-pit bull:  Before we adopted our dog Mickey, I was a little intimidated by the power of these dogs.  One summer, I volunteered weekly at a shelter in Brooklyn and the majority of the dogs were some sort of pit mix.  I walked a different one every week and I couldn't really understand why they had such a bad reputation.  They were sweet, loving and were very generous with their affection, despite the fact that some of the stories behind those dogs, and even our own dog, were just heartbreaking not to mention down-right cruel.  When I tell people what type of dog we have, the immediate reaction is never good - that is until they meet our sweet dog, who would not hurt a fly.  If you are considering adopting a pet, definitely consider this type of dog since they are over flowing in shelters across the country. You will be guaranteed a lifetime of love, not to mention companionship.  One thing to remember is that the dog is not aggressive by nature, it is the people that give them this awful reputation.  

4. I am devoted to vinyasa yoga:  Yoga changed my life.  Before I stepped into my first class nearly 6 years ago, I just didn't get what all of the hype was about - how could I benefit from stretching for at least an hour?  For the longest time I was all about the hard intense run that would leave you climbing hills (I still run about 3 days a week) and pounding the pavement in either sweltering heat or frigid temperatures and everything in between.  For many years I thought it was normal to walk around with your neck tighter than accordion strings and your back tied into many knots. I realized after by fourth yoga class as I lay on the mat that I felt incredible - almost as if I had a good cry.  I felt less stressed, my hips and hamstrings (tired from all of that running) felt open and loose and I realized that I could actually breath.  Prior to yoga I found myself taking many short sips of air through my mouth versus longer slower ones through my nose.  If you are skeptical of yoga, you should really try it - it will change your life and make you more centered. A yoga teacher once told me that yoga won't just center you and make you more present, it will also center others in your life because you are more grounded at present.  


So that is a little bit more about me!

Image via pinterest